HEALING AFTER ABORTION: 3 POWERFUL INSIGHTS FROM FR. SHAWN

We’d like to share three powerful insights on healing after abortion from a recent talk given by Fr. Shawn Monohan, OMV, a member of our Board of Directors and author of the recently published, “Path to Healing Our Broken Hearts.” Fr. Shawn’s work focuses on helping people heal emotional and spiritual wounds. 

At Support After Abortion, we recognize that the journey to healing after abortion is deeply personal and looks different for everyone. Our approach is to meet people wherever they are – including their preference for secular or religious support in their healing journeys. Fr. Shawn’s reflections offer a compassionate perspective and a path forward, no matter where you are on your journey. And the universal themes of compassion, understanding, and hope in his message speak to all. 

Whether you have personally experienced abortion, know someone who has, or are committed to supporting those who are hurting, his message is worth a listen. Here are three important takeaways from his talk, offering a fresh perspective on healing and hope. 

1. HEALING AFTER ABORTION STARTS WITH SELF-KNOWLEDGE

Ever paused to really check in with yourself? Fr. Shawn kicked off his talk with a simple exercise: “Close your eyes, relax your hands at your side, take a few deep breaths in and out. When you’re ready, using your index finger, point to yourself. Open your eyes, look where you are pointing.”

Most of us point to our hearts, he noted. But how often do we truly look inward, getting in touch with our thoughts, emotions, and the desires beneath the surface? In our fast-paced lives, we tend to rush past these moments of reflection. “Our lives can be so busy, so loud, we may not be aware of what is going on below the surface,” he said.

“When someone has mustered up the courage to share with me that they have had an abortion, that is such a graced moment,” he said. “Knowing that it took a lot of courage to share this with me, my first words are gratitude, Thank you for sharing this with me. And without rushing it, I simply say, I am sorry for your loss. It has been amazing how impactfully those six words have touched both men and women. It communicates immediate compassion and confirms that I am a safe place to share this with. And more often than not, I am the first person to validate they indeed experienced a loss, a loss that needs to be acknowledged and grieved.”

We hear similar stories on our After Abortion Line and when we use our Four Step Process (which includes saying I’m so sorry for your loss or I’m so sorry for what you’re going through) when we encounter people who have experienced abortion:

At first I was in denial after my abortion, but now I feel depression, anxiety, and guilt. I’m having dreams and flashbacks. My boyfriend is understanding and supportive, but we’ve been struggling because I feel so angry. I felt like it was the right decision at the time, but now I’m not sure. I thought everything would be like before, but now it feels like there’s a before-abortion me and an after-abortion me. Thank you for saying, “sorry for your loss.” It helped to talk to you. – Female Client 

This is the second time my girlfriend and I got pregnant and she’s chosen abortion. I told a few people about the first abortion, but I can’t tell them it’s happened again. I have feelings of guilt, self-blame, fear, and just feeling like a failure. I’m crying a lot. I can’t tell her how I’m feeling. I have no one. Thanks for making me feel like I matter. – Male Client

Fr. Shawn follows up with “a sincere, How are you? How has that impacted you? question.” Fr. Shawn emphasized that “these short questions begin the healing journey.” They help individuals connect with the pain they may have buried.

He shared that “growing in self-awareness also means becoming aware of the desires of my heart.” The basic desire he focused on is the desire to be understood and heard, which requires others to listen well. He used an acronym, “need to pop an ALEVE: put Aside your perspective, Listen to theirs, develop Empathy for them, and then Verbalize that Empathy.”

He also spoke about how self-acceptance includes “being aware of those negative, accusing thoughts that can assault.” He encouraged people to examine their thoughts and accept those that increase faith, hope, and love — and reject and not trust thoughts that do not.

2. SELF-ACCEPTANCE IS CRUCIAL FOR MOVING FORWARD

Fr. Shawn didn’t sugarcoat it—he’s seen firsthand the devastating effects abortion can have on self-worth. “Self-acceptance,” he said, “is where we find our identity, our self-worth, and self-esteem.” As he shared, many struggle with fear and shame. “Fear of what others will think…of being found out. They assume they are already condemned.” 

Women and men share these types of thoughts often, like these clients:

I’m feeling very down, I’m holding back tears. My baby would have been four months old yesterday, and it’s hurting me so much. My life has changed so much. I regret what I did. I can’t talk to anyone about it. I feel guilty and judge myself so much for what I did. I don’t want anyone else to think I’m a horrible person. The guilt eats me up everyday, and I’ve been trying to just numb out my emotions with bad habits, but it hurts and nothing’s helping. – Client

I had an abortion six months ago. I was fine at first, but now I have a lot of guilt and shame around all of it. I don’t know how to move on. I’ve gone to confession, but I still feel guilt and worry. I think it would be helpful to know that Jesus still accepts me. I guess I don’t forgive myself yet. I feel like a terrible person. – Client

But Fr. Shawn brought hope here that our identity isn’t tied to our failures or achievements—it’s something we receive. God’s love is constant, even when we feel like we’ve fallen short. As Fr. Shawn put it, “Your identity is received, not achieved.”

He went on to say, “The healing journey begins with healing our image of ourselves, to reclaim that which life’s traumas have robbed us of.” He shared that it involves accepting ourselves as beloved, worthy of love and forgiveness, no matter our past. When we start to see ourselves through this lens, we can break free from the lies that hold us back.

This phenomenon is often voiced by people who go through an abortion healing program:

I never thought I would get out of the darkness I was living in. I never thought I would be able to talk about all the trauma I endured in my life, especially my abortion. I felt alone and ashamed. Then I found Support After Abortion. The Keys to Hope and Healing after-abortion virtual support group was exactly what I needed to start breaking free. – Abortion Healing Group Participant

The virtual support group has been an amazing opportunity for me to let out everything I’ve carried in a safe environment. All the trauma, all the secrets, all the hurts that I felt no one has ever understood, are shared and understood in my group. I feel free from the pain and can look forward for the first time in a long time thanks to the support I have found with Support After Abortion. – Abortion Healing Group Participant

3. HEALING LEADS TO SELF-GIFT

Fr. Shawn ended his talk with a powerful vision: What if those who have been wounded by abortion became the very ones to lead others to healing? “Self-gift,” he said, is “when we make a sincere gift of ourselves. It’s the idea that once we’ve experienced healing ourselves, we can offer that gift to others.”

In a world that often labels and judges, the stories of women and men who have walked a painful journey after abortion and come out on the other side with healing and forgiveness could change everything. These individuals, Fr. Shawn believes, can become “wounded healers” – breaking through the culture of silence and shame with their stories of redemption.

We’ve witnessed this among women and men who have become volunteers on our After Abortion Line, as support group facilitators, and in other roles:

Keys to Hope and Healing saved me. They treated me with compassion and understanding and helped me believe I could move on. It’s so cliche, but it was like all that weight I was carrying – just came off. And I could breathe. A few years after my group, I heard a podcaster say, “The best thing you can do now is pay it forward.” It felt like he was talking right to me, and that’s when I started volunteering with Support After Abortion. To get that connection, to feel normal, and to heal is so important. That’s why I volunteer. – Female Volunteer

My then-girlfriend and I went through an abortion over 40 years ago while we were in college. Years later, after I was married and our first child was born, all these emotions came forward. But, I pushed them back down. Over a decade later, I told my story. Eventually, I signed up to volunteer at a pregnancy center, and needed to go through an abortion healing program. When I did Keys to Hope and Healing with a mentor, I felt like I was finally on a path to peace and transformation. I now volunteer to help others find the healing that made such a difference in my own life. – Male Volunteer

FINAL THOUGHTS

“Healing broken hearts is at the heart of my vocation as a priest and really all priestly ministry because it was at the heart of Jesus’ earthly ministry,” Fr. Shawn said. “These three dynamics – self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and self-gift – can serve as a foundation for understanding the path to healing for those whose hearts have been deeply wounded by abortion.”

The journey starts with knowing yourself, accepting who you are, and discovering the purpose waiting on the other side of pain. No matter where we’ve been or what we’ve done, healing is always possible, healing restores us. It’s a gift for ourselves and that we can share to help bring healing to others. 

You matter. Your healing journey matters. And you are not alone.

WHERE TO GET AFTER-ABORTION SUPPORT?

“Support After Abortion,” Fr. Shawn said, “understands how vital it is for someone seeking healing to come to a place that is safe, free from condemnation, judgment, and to have someone or a group of others who are on the same journey to let them share their story.”

If you or someone you know is struggling emotionally after abortion, we are here to help – with compassion and without judgment. Reach out when you’re ready. 

You can start by looking at our website supportafterabortion.com for information, videos, self-guided healing, and more for women and men.

Several of the clients mentioned above talked about Keys to Hope and Healing, which is an introductory abortion healing resource available for women and men, in English and Spanish. Resources include booklets, journals, self-guided video series, prayer booklets, and facilitator guides and training videos. The men’s book is also available in audio.

HOW CAN I CONTACT THE AFTER ABORTION LINE?

Reach out to our After Abortion Line by online chat, phone, text, email or messaging on Facebook or Instagram. We offer confidential, compassionate support at no cost to you. We can connect you to the healing resource that best meets your preferences – that may be one-on-one, group, or independent; counseling or peer facilitator; virtual, in-person, or self-guided; religious or secular, etc. 

DO YOU – OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO – PROVIDE AFTER-ABORTION SUPPORT?

Explore our Provider Training Center and attend our free monthly Abortion Healing Provider webinars and Quarterly Facilitator Trainings.

© Support After Abortion

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