Author Pamela Lamp Shares Tips for How To Embrace Change Later in Life

“Do The Next New Thing”

This week I’m pleased to share my interview with podcaster and author Pamela Lamp. I’ve known Pam since my early days in the blogosphere when she started writing a blog. That morphed into a podcast and most recently became the subject of her first book “Do The Next New Thing.”

Author Pamela Lamp Shares Tips for How To Embrace Change Later in Life

As a fellow baby boomer woman, Pam has learned how to adapt through multiple family moves. In “Do The Next New Thing,” Pam describes how she “embraced uncertainty and discovered purpose, happiness, and friendship” after her move to Nashville. It was a different move than her previous ones. This time she wasn’t a young mom with school-aged children. Instead she was a 50+ empty nester.

Podcaster and author Pamela Lamp

I read Pam’s book and thought she had helpful tips and wise insights for anyone who might be facing major changes during the second half of  her life. I hope you enjoy Pam’s story and that it inspires you as much as it did me.

Here are excerpts from our chat:

Q: Tell me about yourself and your background.

Pam: “I grew up in Indianapolis and married my college sweetheart. We’ve lived in Indianapolis, Indiana;  San Francisco, California, then Houston, Texas and now Nashville, Tennessee. Although each move was difficult in its own way I feel very fortunate that we’ve lived in several different areas of the country. 

We have two grown sons. Each married, each has one child. Before my boys were born, I had a career in Human Resources and then was a stay-at-home mom. 

I like yoga and traveling, playing golf, and reading. I also like to cook and bake.” 

Q: What prompted you to create “Do The Next Thing?”

Pam: “I mentioned that I was a stay-at-home mom which I loved. As the boys grew older, for years I agonized about what I wanted to do next. I thought I’m a fairly intelligent person. I knew I wanted to do something when the boys were grown and gone but I couldn’t figure out what that something was going to be. 

After my boys had moved on, we moved to Nashville for my husband’s job. Even though it was the right move for us, I struggled. I didn’t know anyone. I left behind 20 years of friends and community and infrastructure in Houston. So not only could I not figure out what I wanted to do next, there I was in Nashville with no friends.

After awhile I unpacked and had our condo in order. Frankly, I was tired of wallowing in my own misery. It just came to me. I thought, what if I do one new thing every day to get out of the house and meet people and explore this new place and try to build a community. 

I had no idea if it would work but I needed to do something to try to fix myself. This gave me a homework assignment and an activity to report on at the dinner table. That’s how I came up with the project of ‘doing the next new thing.’”

Q: What prompted you to write a book about it?

Pam: “I was seeing a therapist about the move because it was very hard for me. We were dealing with elderly in-laws and parents too. I thought it would be helpful to talk with someone. I told my therapist about this project I had devised.

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Each time I saw her she continued to ask me about it and we talked about the positive changes it was making in my life. She said you need to write a book. 

Of course all the negative voices reared their ugly head. I don’t know how to write a book. I’ve never written a book. My therapist was my initial encouragement and she ended up being the person that I worked with when I needed research to back up what I was saying in the book. She was very helpful and very interested which made it fun.”

Q: You’ve moved around a lot in your lifetime. What made this move different than the others?

Pam: “That’s a good question. We lived in Indiana. Then we moved to California for employment. I went to work every day. I had colleagues and a full office. I had a built in group right away. 

We lived in California 12 years then we moved to Houston. Both kids were born in California. When we moved to Houston we enrolled them in school and activities. I had an automatic social network and friends. 

When we moved to Nashville, I was 57. I wasn’t working and my kids were grown. I didn’t have a build-in network right away. People weren’t being mean but people had their friend groups in place. Book groups were already formed. Birthday and dinner party groups were put together. These were activities I participated in Houston and had taken for granted because I had started doing them with women when my kids were in second grade.

It wasn’t easy to break in here. I’d call people to meet for coffee. They would, it would be great and we’d get along well, but they had friends and families and grown children of their own that they spent time with. It was tougher to make new friends.”

Q: What lessons did you learn about change during this point in your life?

Pam: “When I first moved here I was talking to a store clerk. She  said ‘oh fun, change is so good.’  That comment set me back because I was confused by this remark. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Does she know what I left in Houston? I left my friends and activities. Now that I look back on the change I think wow that was a good thing that happened to me. 

Of course I miss my Houston friends but I came out of the move developing new friendships. I grew stronger in so many ways. The move forced me out of my shell and forced me to do things I wouldn’t have normally done. I had to put myself out there and shake things up a bit.”

Pam’s book can be found in a local Nashville bookstore

Q: It can be scary to make a big move, especially later in life. How did you find the courage to put yourself out there?

Pam: “I think I was desperate. I really wanted friends and people to do things with. I’ve heard since writing the book from younger people who said it’s hard for them to make friends too. I think my courage came from taking one tiny step at a time. 

I might have visited a bookshop which led to going to an author’s night. Or the coffee shop next door, trying a coffee I never tried. Other days it was just a new food at the grocery store or listening to a different podcast, or a new recipe or exercise class at the YMCA.

I learned that small things matter. It wasn’t as difficult to find the courage to do the small things. I took one step at a time not the whole staircase. It’s easy for me to get overwhelmed when I look at the whole picture. 

Gradually I fell into a pattern and the more new things I did, the more comfortable I became.”

Q: Can you share the different steps you took to adapt after your move?

Pam: “The sections of the book all came from things that I did and my reflections on how this project helped me. I wasn’t trying to preach or tell people what to do. I wanted to tell them what I did and it worked for me and I think it could work for other people too. 

I still keep a list of new things that I’d like to do. It’s not things around the town necessarily, it’s not things that always cost money. It’s I want to try this recipe, I want to try this new drive home, I want to walk in this new neighborhood. I haven’t walked on that trail.

Some nights or days I didn’t feel like doing something new. I was tired or busy or not up for it. But I always found something to do because I didn’t want to break my streak — I watched a new TV show or tasted a new food. One night I brushed my teeth with my left hand.”

Pam provides activities in her book to help readers adapt to change

Q: One of the things you talk about in your book is discovering and nurturing relationships. Tell us more.

Pam: “When I was in Houston, I was unsettled. I think a lot of us get unsettled for different reasons — relationships, death, retirement, kids are grown and gone, health issues, spousal issues and divorce. 

But I was unsettled because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life after the kids were grown. I feared that it was growing too late and I was running out of time. 

One of the things this helped nurture was my relationship with myself. Because I was reaching out and learning and doing I became happier with myself….more content. I really believe that contentment transferred to my relationships with my husband, my family, and my friends. I think I was more fun to be around. So, I was less anxious, less worried, I was letting things go more. Because my relationships improved I was happier with myself. It was like a happiness loop.”

Q: Any additional advice for those who are stuck or struggling during their life after 50, or during their life after retirement or even for those who are thinking about retiring or empty  nesters? Big change moments.

Pam: “One of the biggest things I learned is that it was up to me. My happiness, my contentment…the ball was in my court. No one was going to bring something to me, I had to do it myself.

The other thing is if you look at the whole picture it can be overwhelming. So start small and see what happens. I did and good things started happening. It wasn’t a goal, it was something to get me out and going. 

The book has an interactive portion to get you started. People said has been helpful to them. Hopefully I’m encouraging readers in some small way. “

Pam produces a podcast called “Who I Met Today”

Q: You have a podcast. Tell me how that evolved.

Pam: “Who I Met Today, started as a blog and then it evolved into a podcast. Between the book and the podcast I don’t have time to do many stories. One night, my husband who was my biggest cheerleader and had a front row seat to this project pulled me aside with a glass of wine.

I had been plodding along and made a life in Nashville. I still hadn’t found what my “it” was going to be. He had been watching me. He saw me agonizing about what I wanted to do. He asked me, ‘if you could do anything you wanted what would you do? Take income out of the equation.‘

The answer just came out of my mouth. I said I’d interview people and write their stories. Hear what they do, hear about their background. He said ‘then do it.’ 

Of course the negative voices were screaming in my ear. But I did do it. I started a blog. It’s hard but I did it one step at a time. One story at a time. 

After a few years, I thought I always wanted to try my hand at a podcast, so I did one tiny step at a time to figure out how to do that. I was becoming more confident and not as fearful to try new things.

I’ve met so many wonderful people along the way that I’ve talked to about their stories or interviewed for the podcast. It’s been the biggest gift to me. 

It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t moved to Nashville and I hadn’t made a change from Houston.

Now I have to prioritize, so the podcast and the book are the focus for me. It’s a lot of work.

Q: How can people find your podcast?

Pam: They can find it on my website www.whoimettoday.com. There is a tab for podcast. Or they can find it on Apple or Spotify podcast apps. I was doing a podcast twice a month and it was a lot of work. Now I’m doing it once month, but it’s fun and I enjoy it.

Thank you Pam for sharing your story with us. If you want to learn more, check out Pam’s website and podcast.

Judi

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